When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.

There's been a lot of family drama going on in the past week. A lot of uncertainty. I think that's the worst part, the not knowing what's going to happen. No, actually the worst part is the feeling that I can't do anything except be there.  I guess I'm the "glue" of my family.  I try to mend things and hold my family together, because really, I don't have a big family. I remember the way it felt when I was younger, wondering why my family was being torn apart at the seams. My parents underestimated my understanding of the situation at hand. They thought they could placate me with rationalizations, and faux acts of kindness towards one another. Which makes me worry that the kid knows what's going on. Sure, he's only 5, but I think he can see what's going on in front of hm, and that kills me.

In other, less depressing news, Summer is fast approaching and with it brings the busiest time of year for me. It's strange to think that the time when I should be taking a "break" I'm at my most hectic. I've been conducting interviews and reviewing job applications for Summer swim lessons, and I'm really nervous about this group, they are all really young. 

As much shit as I talk about the City job, I really like it when I manage. I usually have really good workers and we all get along. I bring my ipod dock to the pool and we have lunch together and have dance parties in the office. It helps SO much that Erin is working at the other pool. We keep each other sane, which is always nice. This will most likely be my last Summer working there, so I intend to make it the best it can be.

I also just found out recently that I'm the ONLY returning aquatics coach. Which means, as of right now, I'm running the Boys and Girls Water Polo Camps as well as the Boys and Girls Swimming Camp.  I will be making great money, but at this point I'm seriously wondering if I've spread myself too thin. Seriously, I have so much shit going on it's kind of ridiculous.

I'm slowly planning a trip somewhere, I really want to go to NYC, as I've never been and I hear it's wonderful. There are other places I want to visit, but as always, I don't know if I will have enough time. But C'est La Vie right?

Hopefully my next post will be cooking related with pictures and everything.

~Jared

Parle romancing into the financing

My Mother, in all her well meanings, described me as "eccentric" the other day.  I don't really know whether that is a good or bad thing, but I didn't give it much thought until recently.  I very well could just be thinking too much about it, as I am inclined to do from time to time, but for some reason it has stuck in my figurative craw since she said it.

I know she means well. But the specificity of the word is what got to me, I guess.  I then start to think whether this is the reason why people, specifically the opposite gender, aren't attracted to me.  Is that why I've had trouble finding a lady-friend in the past however many years its been?  Does my "eccentricity" ward them off? Frankly, if it does, I don't really care. I'm not in the business of changing myself to make other people like me, that's just not something I do. But it's hard not to think that I'm doing something wrong. After all is said and done, I'm the most common denominator in these situations right? Whatever though, I'm not actively looking for someone right now.

These are just random musings that I sometimes let trouble me. If someone comes along though, someone that has the same love of music, appreciation for the comedy of Seinfeld/Curb, loving movies and tolerating me rambling on about Coen Brother's movies, wouldn't mind me cooking for them, and can tolerate me being a bit nerdy, I'm more than willing to give it a shot =)

~Jared

So

I have a date on Saturday night. A blind one at that.

I already know where I'm taking her for dinner and what the post-meal plans are, so I'm not exactly fretting over that. But I am effing nervous.  I guess it's because the prospect of meeting someone face to face for the first time is always a rather unique situation for someone to be put in.

In High School and College we always usually knew/have seen the person that we were twitterpated with. They would catch our eye from the way they looked, talked, or their general presence. When you agree to go out with someone that you haven't interacted with on a face to face basis, it can be a little scary.

I've been talking to her via txt for the past week or so, she seems rather nice. I'm trying not to sabotage myself, as I've been known to do in the past with other ladies.  I think it deals with my own insecurities and other crap, but I'm genuinely trying to keep an open mind with her...even though she uses no punctuation in her texts...and she uses a lot of "!"s in her sentences...

stop. just stop.

See? That's the kind of weird shit that I seek out and notice in other people. And it drives me insane.  Would I base my whole opinion of a girl on how she texts? No, that's completely insane. But what it does do, is give me a weird preconception of her that I think is unfair. I'm rambling, and probably sounding a little weird right now, so I'll end it before I delve into other matters.

I shall give a full account on the blind date after it happens.

Wish me luck!

~Jared

Stood Up

Lately there has been a lot of focus on me dating, or my lack there of.  Mostly it's been coming from external sources, be it friends or family.  My mom tried to set me up on a blind date with  her co-worker's niece. I was open for it because, at worst, it was a story that I could tell.  So the girl gives the information to her Aunt, her Aunt to my Mother, and my Mother to me.  Now, I've never been on a blind date so this idea was a little...odd?  So I choose to e-mail her and start the ball rolling in the most non-threatening way possible.  She e-mails back and we start a little dialogue.  Our rapport was nice and I felt that there was some chemistry, albeit a digital one.  The last e-mail I got from her was about a week and a half ago.  Communications just stopped and I am left wondering why that might be.  I'm not really losing any sleep over it because, let's face it, I didn't really even know this girl.  But it has still left me wondering, but I guess I should be thankful that it didn't end up getting to the point where some of my recent...endeavors in the world of dating have ended up.

About a month ago I had a date with a girl.  I haven't really told any of my friends because, well they don't really need to know everything about me, do they? I digress. This lady-friend and I had once gone out previously, and agreed to do so again.  She says that she'll meet me at the restaurant and we will go from there. I, being a neurotically early person, show up a little early in order to get a seat. Ten minutes past 8pm and I figure she's running late, 15 minutes and I'm starting to worry a little. At this point I'm sitting down inside and I can feel the eyes burning into me and I can only imagine the murmuring going on about me. 20 Minutes late and I now something is up, so I text her. I receive the following text 5 minutes later:

"hey i dont think we should see eachother anymore i think were just different and dont see this going any further sorry."

The lack of punctuation aside, this was an infuriating and embarrassing thing to have sent to me. Couldn't she have told me before that day? Fuck, before that HOUR? Sometimes I just don't get people. Maybe I'm overly polite but I wouldn't ever do something that shitty to someone else.  This isn't the first time I've been stood up, and I'm sure it won't be the last, but damn if it doesn't suck.

This all comes around to my dating again. I don't care that It's been a while since I've had a...significant other (barf).  I'm fine hanging out on my own or with friends.  Yes, there are great things about sharing your time with someone you care about, but there is a lot of shit that goes along with getting to the point where you're happy, and I'm fine with staving off those shitty things a little longer before attempting to jump into another adventure in dating. But that's not to say I'm completely closed to the idea of being with anyone, just that I'm not actively looking. And I don't think that's a bad place to be in.

~Jared

This was rather long winded, and I hope to not make all these like this, but It felt nice to write again! I hope there is more in the immediate future =)

BLOGGER, I AM INSIDE OF YOU!

I decided to leave my LiveJournal behind for the time being.  She's been good to me over the years, but I feel it's time for a fresh start.  At the behest of a cohort I decided to start one of these.

What will I write in here? Not sure if I should have a theme yet. But I think it's going to be a hodgepodge...yes hodgepodge, of random musings and stuff. I want to start putting pictures of what I cook and the recipes I use.  I think it will help me keep my cooking skills up to snuff.

A more concise update to follow later.

~Jared