Brother Louie

I was sitting down watching tonight's season finale of Louie, and I couldn't help but relate to both segments of the episode.

What am I really doing with my life? I'm going to school, and yeah I have one (possibly two) job(s) and I maintain a, somewhat, active social life. But where am I going? Recently I've been made to feel (from outside sources) bad about living here, specifically SoCal. I understand that it's not a "real" place to live. There isn't much culture, or diversity. It is a rather Right leaning area, something that I come into contact with far more than I would like. I want to get out, I want to experience life on my own, I want to get out of this sterile bubble that I've been brought up in. But can I? I'm almost 25 years old and just finishing Community College. Some would say that this is the perfect time for me to get going and leave, but I really don't know if it's in the cards. Perhaps I'm making excuses and I should just GO. I just take umbrage with being looked down upon for not being able to leave sooner, or at all. Give me more credit than that.

I guess what I'm getting at is that my wheels are spinning. I can't get traction, and I can feel myself sink farther into the quagmire that is my life. I'm starting to see a therapist, and hopefully that will provide me with some support to get out and DO and GO and be GONE from here for a while. Strangely, the decision to leave isn't made hard by some of the traditional things that usually hold people back. Friends? I have but a few here that would ACTUALLY miss me or protest my leaving. Job? I've all but quit the city, and my time at Marina is coming to an end, possibly as soon as this season is over. Romantic obligations? Let's save that until later in the entry. I guess what's mainly holding me back is the means by which I have to move. In a perfect world I would get into SFSU or SSU or SOMEWHERE up north and experience life on my own, away from it all, start anew. But that costs money, and I don't know if my parents would be able to help me much. Is going into a huge amount of debt worth my well being? I think so, but some would probably argue with the sentiment.

I'm rambling, and not being as concise as I'd like to be, maybe because I'm getting a little tired, it's late. What it comes down to, is that I have a lot of soul searching to do. Hopefully I'll be updating more. I'm buying my first chef's knife tomorrow, going with a Global Japanese Steel knife, I'm way more excited about it than I have any right to be.

~Jared