April 30th was the last post that I made in this thing. So much for keeping it updated eh? Frankly, I just haven't had the mojo to write. It comes and goes and I always think about things to write about but when I try and sit down to put thoughts to screen...it just never comes.
I'm currently at work on lunch break, yes I have a computer now in my derelict office, one of many new changes that have happened this year. Another change is my attitude towards this job. I can't ever remember not wanting to come to work as badly as I do now. Granted, there is a lot going on at home, with the moving and the resentment and the general air of tension that seems ever present now adays, but I loathe coming here now. I almost feel worse about myself for being here. It has come to symobolize a sense of stagnation in my life that I find disgusting. I need to move on, I need to experience something new. I've run my course here, but I still have 4 weeks to go this Summer, and I honestly don't know whether I can manage(ha) it or not.
I mentioned previously that things at home have been rather tumultuous. That, dear readers, is the understatement of the year. I feel a mix of sadness, anger, apathy and just plain sadness over everything. It makes me question people and relationships even more now. I realize that this is a horribly unhealthy way to think, but can you blame me? I know, I'm being rather negative, but it's hard not to be feeling so these days.
I can't wait until August. If I can make it to August, I think everything is going to be good. Steve comes for his honeymoon, I'm going to Seattle to visit the cousins and family, and Cassie comes to visit. Things that will take my mind off the hard times as of late, everyone needs a break from time to time.
Well, hopefully I'll be writing in here more. It's cathartic to put words out there again.
Thank you
~Jared
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